Zumba Zombies or White Women Can’t Dance

White women (WASPs to be more specific) can’t Zumba. I’ve come to realize this while taking a Zumba dance class at the local community school. Myself, and about 12 other women of various ages, and ethnic backgrounds, gather twice a week at a local elementary school to Zumba. I can’t help but notice the lack of dance finesse all us white women have.

The black women may not have the steps right, but they have the groove down and they look goooood. The Latino women have both the steps and the moves and they’re hot!  Us white women are stiff as Zumba zombies; every one of us. I’ve noticed that we all have to  count – one, two, three, one, two, three…you can see it in our faces. Our lips move as we count out the steps: four to the right, four to the left, then down two counts to the right and two more to the left – right arm up, left arm up, punch, punch, punch. Yeah, now we’re grooving.

This elementary school happens to be a magnet school for the arts so the class is in the dance studio with mirrors in abundance. The music blares, so sexy…your body, so sexy…your body. Our arms run sensuously up and down our bodies. We hypnotize the looker with a series of rhythmic undulations whilst turning 360 degrees in an oh, so sensual spin…one, two, three, one, two, three, undulate, turn, slide arm up, slide arm down, undulate, turn, undulate, undulate…I’m not sure sexy aptly describes the look.

Us white women do try really hard though. We want to be sexy and we want to allure something. But you have to understand, it’s darn hard to count and look sexy at the same time. It can be especially difficult with such a fast tempo. Not only do you have to count, but you have to keep up with the beat, turn, undulate and do it with the rhythm for gosh sakes, all the while moving your arms sensuously across your body. I mean seriously, how can you do all that with panache and look sexy? It just can’t be done.

What us white women have to do is make sure that Zumba zombies are cool and everyone wants to be one. Ah, now we’re sexy…and we’re rocking out to the Monster Mash. Oh…yeah…

This post was written several years back. For me, the song remains the same as do the dancing skills. Still, the allure of the dance is age old…I can promise you Herodias’ daughter was no WASP.

When the daughter of Herodias came and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests, and the king said to the girl, “Ask me for whatever you wish, and I will give it to you.” And he swore to her, “Whatever you ask of me, I will give you, up to half my kingdom!”  Mark 6:22-23

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